TERMS OF SERVICE

Premise —

“Terms of Service” should really be labeled “Who am I kidding? The answer is no.”

Regardless:

Parties involved will be labeled as “you” and “I.”

Disagree? Okay:

The terms “Mattia Cella, I, me, myself, self, my mirror (unbroken) reflection, my water (only if a lake. No salt water. Puddles will not be considered) reflection” and “website visitor, user, person, human, dog (only if a German shepherd), cat (any race) typing, being, breathing organism equipped with a rational brain” also have legal validity.

As of 3/2/24 ** at 9:47 AM EST —

• Time constraint.

As per the below, you and I have no obligations. But If you decide to stay, I ask you to spend at least 5 seconds on any page. This boosts the “Time Spent” metric. That way, I can brag about it with my mom.

• You and I have no obligations.

You are browsing my website, now. That’s a fact. You don’t have to stay (although I’d certainly appreciate it), or do anything here. Also, I don’t have a duty to entertain you. I did not set expectations. Therefore, you should not have any either.

** This means March 2nd. Don’t sue me If you thought it meant February 3rd.